You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You were trust falling into bushes
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
