evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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