Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
There's always time for handjobs
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
