we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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