I should be sponsored by Trojan
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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