you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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