Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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