i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The ass gains better be worth it
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
