How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
