problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
