My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
