Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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