I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You can't just leave with hair like that
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
