why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
