she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
