Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
