Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize