all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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