Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
