Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
