At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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