Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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