Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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