bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
