Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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