"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
