Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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