I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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