it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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