You're so nebulous sometimes
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
