It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Randomize
