Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
