We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
