Soap is not a condiment
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
