I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
