your room smells of hookers.
And success
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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