when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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