finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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