pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
