No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
