What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
4 words: hood of his car
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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