I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
