i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
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