so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
