i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
