Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
