I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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