Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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