I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
