Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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