That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We have so much sex to catch up on
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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