Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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