Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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