Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
