Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
