That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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